Suicide

When me and my friends used to talk about suicide as kids we would say, in mocking tones, it was weakness, stupidity or attention seeking. Ironically in our innocence was our stupidity.

I still see adults act like they are too strong to do something so weak when the subject comes up. These so called experienced humans must think so shallow.

I don’t want to quote Einstein here but hopefully you can see where I’m going with this. Yes you may be strong, extremely strong but you can only be strong in comparison to something. There is no such thing as a unstoppable force or a immovable object.

Consider your house or the wall of your house. The wall truly is strong. You could punch it all day and not make a dent. The wall is holding up the roof and the roof is keeping you nice and safe when its cold. But… that wall is nothing compared to the bulldozer. The bulldozer in turn is nothing to the crusher at the recycling center and the car crusher…. is nothing to a kid with a screwdriver.

Something in life could happen at any time to any of us. Life has shown me that things I thought wouldn’t hurt me at all would sting the most when they did happen.

People say there is help out there if you look for it. Yet when I watch the new I will soon be greeted by the name of another person who though that help wasn’t enough. Would you bet your life on it? hummm… What a world this is where people feel trying to talk about it isn’t worth their life.

I lost a little hope in humanity thinking about this today until I had to go to the hospital for a blood test. My faith was restored by the image angels in white cotes. I really did want to imagine halos over their heads. Doctors and nurses at war everyday for people they don’t even know. There truly are easier jobs for the money.

Whats cool about the whole relativity thing is your problem is only bad in comparison to another problem. Not having a place to live is your biggest problem until you don’t have anything to eat. I don’t whether thinking about that makes me feel better or worse?

Edit: Reading this back I wasn’t sure of my own point. Don’t mock the suicidal as weak and realize their death is mocking our humanity.

Please don’t be one of those people that will read this, agree and then go and step on someone just to gain something. I cant stand when I people I know are only in life for themselves share post on Facebook about saving the “Insert popular charity”. The sociopaths try to hide and although we didn’t study the same subjects at school we can still understand you.

 

Suicide

THAT’S NOT REAL ART!

Some people seem to think that if it’s made on a computer it’s not art. I have noticed most art mediums seem to have this problem. The world is not flat my friend.

I can’t speak for every art form because I don’t know much about them. I can though speak for music. 

I want to start with the whole “Real instruments are better than electronics sounds.”. Asking a musician to only use real instruments is like asking a painter to paint with only the color black . Once I was about 14 and discoverer electronic music going back to acoustic music was boring. Drums, Guitar and Piano… Drums, Guitar and Piano… Drums, Guitar and Piano… Drums, Guitar and Piano… it gets boring fast. I know there are other instruments but 70% of acoustic music is made of of Drums, Guitar and Piano….

I love when I hear a new electronic track and hear a new sound I have never heard before… ever! Some electronic sounds are so beautiful. Some I would arguare more beautiful than any real instrument but that’s more of a opinion and I cant relay present it as fact.

In life we try not to use old technology because new technology is better. You most likely wouldn’t use a mobile phone from a few year ago so why would use use instruments like the guitar that was invented in 1779? 

It used to be that computers couldn’t generate high quality sounds but those days are long, long gone. Most computers now are at the very edge of what our human minds can perceive. 10 or 20 years ago people would say that a computer couldn’t accurately recreate a piano. Today in 2014 with multisample VSTis I could spend £50 on a pack and have 15 or so different top of the line gran-pianos at my finger tips. Even my trained ere would have trouble telling them apart from the real deal.

Recording Studios are closing down because more and moe people are making music at home. All you need today to make a professional track, other than talent, is a laptop and the right software. Sure its sad that studios are closing down but it’s also amazing that making professional music is so much more accessible. 

If creating music was a drug then producing electronic music would be like Heroin and thats how it felt the first time I used professional software. If it was possible I could do it. I was every instrument. Any sounds I wanted I could have at the touch of a button and I didn’t just have control over the music but how the individual instruments sounded. The endless possible ways I could edit sounds amazed me. I never when back to playing in a band. I felt godlike.

In a car race, divers will use the latest technology in their cars. You wont see someone pull up to the startline with a car from 100 years ago. In the race to make the best music you can the computer is unmatched. If its possible you can do it on a computer. 

Taking all this into account why would you not use a laptop to play live? It makes complete sense as its by far the best tool to make music with. Why would I fill my hands with a guitar when with the right controller I can be anything. What instrument do I play?.. All of them! Yes that’s right the drums in my track would be impossible for a real drummer to play.

You might argue that you don’t play a computer but who is to say a mouse isn’t a instrument? The reality of it is that compared to the digital controllers of today a guitar is the tool of a caveman. A digital controller can do everything a guitar can and a million things it cant’.

They used to say that vinyl was king and now CDJs are the industry standard. Stop fearing change because you are stopping progress. Sure its fun to play a guitar but trust me its much more fun to play one of these.. 

THAT’S NOT REAL ART!

Play Nasty

People I meet seem to not like the idea of me being nice to them. Maybe they feel it’s getting in the way them giving me the impression that they are better than me. Evolving from this idea would mean me being nice to them now would be acting as passive aggressive as they like to. It’s interesting but pointless at the same time. No matter what I do I always end up with the same sarcastic relationship. I can imagine my own sarcasm…

“Yes you are better than me, I know it was a shock for me to find out too… You truly are unmatched in (insert ridiculous personalized social construct here)”

The funny thing about it is when the very same people get down they complaint that everyone is horrible and that they hate the world because of it. I have always wondered about the people who like to create a horrible word around themselves. I guess they must like being horrible to people so much they are willing to destroy there own lifes to get it.

I feel like some people grow up in the wrong way. Instead of what you would image they would become they have just grown into smarter, bigger monsters. It amazes me how they can get by without destroying themselves.

I’m reminded of one of my teachers from this year. He seemed to want to do everything he could to make sure I wouldn’t pass his class for no reason at all. He was defiantly getting off on it. I was scared when he gave me all the rope I needed to hang him because it seemed too easy. I guess giving people the impression you are weak can be a powerful tool.

It strange because you would have thought a teacher would have a different attitude to life. I guess you never know where you will find a wolf. 

Play Nasty

Collective Consciousness

I was thinking about the idea of a collective consciousness today. At first it seemed like the coolest thing we could every achieve. One of the last stages of human evolution. It didn’t take that much more thinking before it seemed like a bad idea.

The internet is the closest thing we have to a collective consciousness and if it’s anything to go by it would be a very bad idea, trololo. I can see it now… I’m standing in line waiting to order coffee as the guy behind me is telepathically telling me that the Skinny Latte I’m about to order is for girls and I must be a gay fag for drinking one. Thinking about it more you wouldn’t just be connected to the people around you but the whole world. Images trying to have any kind of “happy fun times” with some 15 year old kid in japan playing you pictures of cats giving birth.

I guess we could crate new laws and call it Psychic Rape. The problem is as soon as you crate the law people are going to brake them. In this world would you have psychic hackers? There would be no such thing as privacy anymore. I really don’t think you could police it at all. The world can even police the internet right now.

I could get into collective emotions though. Imagine people arguing outside a club and one says to the other “I would kick your ass but that would really hurt”. It would be a interesting experience and Me finding it interest would mean you would too.

It might sound childish but I feel lost sometimes on the internet (4chan) let online in someones thoughts. I guess I could definitely get lost in some-peoples thoughts though. In the same way some ideas are dangerous.

There are some cool things on the internet too and some nice people and websites… I say that like I’m sure its true but I don’t think I could name one place on the internet where people are truly “nice”.

Collective Consciousness

Black Hats

Its funny how dangerous information can be. I have been thinking a lot about hacking recently. You might have the image of some fat guy stealing credit card information but realistically the would be the nothing compared to what is possible. If its hocked up to the internet it can be hacked from anywhere. Your phone, your car, a train, a missile silo. It wont be on the news tonight or any other night but there are people walking around with any identity they want. They have access to any amount of money a live like gods. Nothing to them is out of reach. The proof they exist are the ones that have been caught.

I’m attracted to it for the obvious reasons, power, money, feeling special. With the right keyword and the help of Youtube I could be braking into some websites by the end of the day. I know this because my curiosity ran away with me. Lucky I have the life experience that tells me that only bad things lie down that path. I can see myself wearing a black cap as I sit in a coffee shop with a god like feeling in my heart. I could get into it. I can also see myself, on my way to jail, failing to try and make my personality and skills work in my soon to be new environment.

I have the self control to stop myself when I think “a 15 year old could learn this image what I could do”.That thought though leads to another point of its own. A 15 year old could truly understand and then learn to be dangerous. They would have the intelligence needed and some 15 years old might already have there own laptop. When you think about this 15 year old you have to consider that he would be so much more attracted to it than a adult. Would the 15 year old have the self control stop himself? Even-some adults do not have the self control to say no to it.

It can be scary and I could be. Again I’m asking myself what stopping me from building a WiFi receiver with a radius of a few miles ruining a script that collects credit card information. I seem to be able to stop myself from doing that but I cant stop myself form imagining how dangerous I could be. I could be a whisper, a angel of death. I could feed that other side of myself until that’s all that’s left of my personality. I guess now I have to be that side of me that likes to do good things for a bit. Just to make sure.

What happens when your friendly neighborhood gangsta see how easy hacking is compared to selling drugs. Luckily being gangsta and computer don’t mix for now.

Black Hats

First Post!!!!!

 

I’m loving this website!!!!!!!!

People always seem to be so happy about getting the first comment. I think I saw this on a meme before but it seems to be my opinion now. Maybe I can take over the world with memes.

I saw one of these online journals on The Social Network. It’s a good film if you are looking for inspiration in life and how to be a ass. I’m not sure if anyone will read this and what this Journal will be but right now. I think it will be pretentious because that’s how I’m feeling. Its much more fun writing with the idea that someone will read it. Now I’m wondering if it will be a pretentious journal.

I guess I should just stick with whats on my mind….

I wonder if other people get stuck dividing there time. My dreams in life seem to be fading more and more as even more time is spent on new safe and less exciting goals. Its strange how as I fail in the dream I feel I’m succeeding in growing up. Thinking about it more I get a new perspective but its still the same choice. Like I was going to find a simple answer to LIFE or something in doing so.

I wonder if you can tell my age from reading that. I have the image in my mind of a 30 year old reading that thinking “I’ve been there” like I do with the people younger than me. Its funny because I would think “I could say that but they would just wouldn’t listen”. Ha. Can I listen?

I’m in my second year of studying Engineering and I’m starting to feel like I could do anything. I could understand, learn and then build anything. Nothing is out of reach. At the same time I will probably be kept awake again soon by some stupid thing I did or said.

I just remembered that I have defiantly seen in moves people in there late 40s taking about feeling like they could change the world at my age. This is depressing. I seem to have done this simply by writing this. Can I think some clever thing to convince myself that this inst going to happen to me… Probably. I am still…

First Post!!!!!