I wish I was special… Even right now as I listen to this song I don’t feel I could say anything to please that part of my mind.
I have taken a year out of University to work on music. Why… because I wish I was something. To be an artist is so deeply embedded in my mind now that I don’t think I could feel complete doing anything other than this.
This cycle I’m in right now is crazy. I wonder at music untill I feel inspired. Then I start a new track. I work and work on it until that part of my mind that has wondered at some of the greatest artists of our time hears what I’m making. After this all I can do is hate myself for not being as good as I would like to be. At this point I could be working on the next number 1 hit of this week and it wouldn’t matter. All I can hear is what I’m not making.
Let the cycle continue… Why do I hate this so much? Why do I love this so much?
What happens when the day comes that I give up on music and decide to just be a normal person. Time is ticking and I’m not sure if future me could deal with that. For even day after what my life is not would be a consent reminder.
If I’m not a musician then who am I.
There is pressure from everyone around me to do it. They hate their lifes and wish me to join them in that mundane existence. I dont think I could explain what this means to me if I tried.
What is an identity crisis anyway…