Pain into Pain

I’m not perfect. Today was another day in life that I was reminded existence can be painful. Its easy when you feel negative emotion to find the negatives in the situation. Like somehow you are better off for things going the way they did. Or to think the people are somehow not worth your time.

In a strange way I feel like it would make me feel better to now find a way to also cause this person pain as-well. Or to at least sit here and think about everything that is wrong with this person. Until I am completely sure I am better off without them.

I have to remind myself that pain from pain is never the solution. Its just a cheap tool that will only make me feel slightly better. After all for as long as my mind obsesses on mental revenge my mind will also be filled with negative emotions. Creating more problems for myself that at some point I will have to deal with. In the long term its probably best to find peace now and not later. There is also that obvious point that hurting people just because I am hurting is part of everything that is wrong with the world.

It might be time to put some music on and concentrate on my emotions for a while. Once I gain an understanding of exactly how I feel and why I feel that way I will normally feel ready to move on with life.

On a side note I seem to be experiencing emotions diffidently recently. I feel the pain just as I would before but somehow I just don’t believe in the emotions mentally. Like my mind has moved on with how it processes the world but I’m still waiting for my body to catch up.



Pain into Pain

Black Dreams

I had a dream I was in a black room. With in the room every object was black. After some time and a growing scene of depredation from all the black I felt the need to escape. This room had no windows or doors.

As I looked around the room I found that each black object seem to represent a bad deed of some kind. For some reason these where the deeds of other people and not myself.

I stared to find ways of putting the black objects together to somehow break out of the room or gain some understanding of it. Simply at first but then more complexly over time.

Just as I started to make progress I heard¬†a voice ask “How can you use such ugly deeds to get your own way?” and ” Don’t you feel ashamed?”.

“Yes!” I replied”…but these are the only objects I have!” and with that, I woke up.

Black Dreams