Unicorns In The Field

Don’t you hate when you can’t find what you are looking for. I’m starting to feel like my quest for horses is in reality a quest for unicorns. What happened between me and a girl tonight has got to me a little.

I did some nice things for someone today. Not because I wanted something but because the opportunity arose. It didn’t relay cost me anything and that wasn’t the problem. Let me explain…

I when to a gig with a friend because there friend had let them down. I didn’t mind going because the time I had spent with this person before was easy and we seemed to be of like mind. Right near the end of the night a situation came up and I was able to do something cool for them at no real cost for me. so I did. The fact that I was there was in a way a nice thing so who but who cares.

Anyway so right after that we left and she basically said I was just there for her entertainment… so she could get what she wanted from the night. I understood we only whent as friends and that in a way I was only really there because she really wanted to go, that was cool. The fact that she told me this so coldly did hurt a bit but that wasn’t the real problem. The problem was that she showed me who she really was and has she really thought of people. In the grand scheam of things what I did wasn’t much TBH but it should have meant something.

She was one of the last people I had hope in. I know people are people but it’s just getting ridiculous now. My quest for a real friend or partner now seem like a quest of a unicorn. At first I thought there are so meany preaching good things in this world they will be easy to fine. Unfortunately some of the people claiming to be the whitest of whites can have the blackest of hearts. After this point I thought that there must be someone hiding somewhere. I have searched high and low and they are still nowhere to be seen. At this point I feel even GOD is telling me I’m being ridiculous.

My hope really did just die tonight. I’m not sure if I can convince myself that I can find a unicorn. I feel like it doesn’t matter how good my intentions are or how clever my internal philosophies. It dosnt matter that my situations is way behind the way I think. I am still stuck in a small box and I do not have the keys to the door.

Unicorns In The Field

Bullying? Your world is about to change my friend!

So people like to push you around and make you feel like you don’t fit in?… Your world is about to change and you don’t even know it!

At school the smart “clicks” seem to act a different way and can get picked on for it. What if I told you that everyone will soon be like the you? Life is about to show you that these “geeks” had it right all along and quicker than you think.

We all had those people at school. They like to be intimidating, push people around and verbally or physically harass people. There are meany names for this kind of person but for this post we will call them Cavemen, with all jokes implied.  And you will soon see how much of a fitting title that is.

I cant tell you when it will happen in every country but in the UK it starts at 16. At 16 we start six-form or college and our journey into adult life. As soon as you cross that line on your first day all the rules change.

For a school its very hard to kick students out so people can get away with alot. Colleges on the other hand don’t have that problem. Colleges also have a zero tolerance policy on aggression witch means you no longer have to put up with it at all. If someone starts pushing you around that’s it its over for them. With the caveman’s age he might even get a criminal change now that he is an adult. Sounds cool right! No more fear in class, the halls or the canteen. The most interesting thing that happens will take a few weeks.

Some of the Cavemen wont have to grades to study at college or will only get into subjects like, Bricklaying or Plumbing so unless you chose a subject like that there wont be meany in your class. After a few weeks you will notice that you starts seeing less and less of them in the halls and canteen because something cool is happening.

Firstly some will get kicked out. They will try and treat teachers and students like they did at school and trust me the college wont take it. Other will just drop out on there own because they no longer have to be there by law and “cant be bothered”. Some will just start turning up less and less until they get kicked out.

By Christmas you will see it in there eyes… They are stating to work out that they don’t fit in this new world and the way they act is out of place. You will also notice that the other people in your class.. the normal people are just like you. You don’t have to try to fit in and will be accepted. I think it beautiful in a way that you now fit in and they don’t.

By the end of your second year some of the really bad caveman you wont ever see around in your town anymore. This this is because now they are an adult they have been arrested and are now serving jail time. College changes as well in this time. There will still be groups of people who failed to grow up but there will be more and more social groups that accept studying and getting good grades as cool. It’s funny how the people who hate school and being smart are the first to go.

Dumb people say school that wont get you anywhere and they because they are too stupid to relies they are wrong. A company might get 50 CVs for a job and only interview 5 of them. Obviously the people with the best grades from the best university get the interviews. Work experience and other things can come into it but not when you are applying for graduate jobs straight out of university.

In your second year all people are thinking and talking about will be university. With university another big change is coming. Now I know everyone is different but generally people who get really good grades like to band together and act a different way. This is because they where smart enough to work out that they will rub off on each-other and will be stronger as a group. There are more reason to this but I’m sure you can work them out.

Now everyone want to get into the best universitys they can. A University like Bath for example will only accept people with all A-grades. This means that once there you will only be around that kind of person and this can completely weed out and of the cavemen that are left. Victory!!!!

So don’t worry about getting picked on. In a few years time that caveman will be handing you your McDonalds as you go trough the drive trough in your nice car. Welcome to adult life where the more intelligent do better and not the physically strong you are KING! So chill out school is a very small part of your life!

Bullying? Your world is about to change my friend!

Should I study music?

If your asking yourself this question please read. Just waned to put this out there.

I didn’t want to sound like a bitter failure because I have had a little success. Releases on small record labels. Mine-stream radio play, Local radio play and interviewees, Gigs and small festivals. I even put on club nights. In a way I am a little annoyed I did’t make it big as anyone would be and I could chase it more but if I could do it again I would study something with a future.

This is the harsh truth that they don’t want to tell you. Most people say they want to study music because they want to do what they love. But in reality you will only do what you love for a very short time because as soon as you finish studying it will fade quickly. This rest of your life will be in a rubbish, low paid unrelated job. But if being a manager at Tesco is what you love then do it.

In reality all the other people that I knew from my year and the year above and bellow now have minimum wage jobs. Some have 20k a year jobs. Very, very few had success like mine and only one had something a little cool. But even that cool thing was not really anything. This is out of about 60 people.

You might have an idea of fame and you might be good at school but are you that good. Once you leave school all the people who where the best in there year will now be in your class at college. These are the people who now have crap jobs.

I though I was good a guitar until I got to college. I was though a good composer and producer mainly because I was completely obsessed. Buy that’s still not enough you need so much more. Here is something to think about…. Most people couldn’t compete with me at college and I still can’t make any real money form music.. Your competition is crazy and some don’t get it together more than saying they will come to band practices and never turning up.

Some people are crazy motivated, really good with people and have talent and still don’t make it. I have a few friends right now, still in the game working at it with more talent than I had and still not getting that far.

Also some people in the music industry are dicks. They have fame, money and power. They also know what people will do just to be around them. Get used to feeling like you not worth anything when you talk to them… or well try to talk to them.

Remember if I go for a job now any of my musical success mean nothing at all. Think there are like what 70 people a year graduating just in my town. Do you really think there are jobs for us all.. in music related jobs? I probably have the skills to work in a professional studio but will never get a job in one.

Here is the deal. I’m 25 back at college and feeling like a bit of a idiot because of it but I’m happy. I don’t know what your situation is but going back to school after a point becomes very hard. The reason I’m happy is because now in Engineering I have a future other than 20k a year.. its like 60-80k a year. Compared to Engineering music was a piss take but now I have a seance of accomplishment.

What you want when you are older will change, trust me. You don’t want to have a moment in life where you relies you have trapped yourself into only getting minimum wage for the rest of you life, It doesn’t feel good and I know.. I had that moment. It dosn’t feel good trying to convince yourself that becoming a manger at (wherever) is a ok future. Money isn’t everything but financial stability is important. Lukly I fell into something and was given the finances to study again.

I feel like a 16-18 year old wont understand this so I will elaborate. How long before your parents tell you to move out or ask you to pay real amounts as rent? They love you but there will be a point…. Your be surprised how meany people have kids and at what age…. accidents happen. Working a full-time job with what ever responsibilitys is hard. Think you can put together 9000 for college fees on minimum wage? lol think you have money to go out? Try to do music at the same time? Promote yourself at the same time? Study full time at the same time? put together money for a demo and video? Be ready for and play gigs? Write songs? Buy instruments and equipment? Have fun? Trust me just studying a good subject in the first place is easier than trying to combine one or two of them with 9am till 5pm at work. Hope you don’t enjoy sleep.

In the end I don’t think any moment will feel as good as the day I signed my first contract but it wasn’t worth what I had to do to get a real life after and what I had to do as I was still chasing the dream. Yes there was some money but nothing more than you could spend on a few good nights out. But if you want just ignore this then read online about how you could be a piano teacher too!!!

Should I study music?

You are lost in a maze.

You are lost in a maze. But this is not a maze you can see this is a maze of the mind. The walls are not just what you hear in your head but the very ideas and morals that are the foundation of you decisions. The best part of this maze is that you are now so lost you have become a wall blocking a person who has done you no wrong.

I could lose my mind in the brilliance of it. Some walk in circles for year. It’s kill or be killed and I must spread that mentality until it enters the mind of the one who kills me. How can you stop walking in circles when your mentality only leads in circles.

Are you lost? There must be a way out this time? No new paths to take. How can there be until you change. How can you change when you can’t even see yourself. Can you see it… When what you hate in the world is in yourself. Do you see it now? If it’s true then you have been running from yourself. Trapped by yourself.

When the people with a elitist mentality like a unfair system do you know what that says… it doesn’t say anything it shouts that they are not elite.

Why are you still looking at walls… why am I still a wall.

You are lost in a maze.