I overcame a few demons that where close to home this week. I spent so much time worrying about getting people to stand with me in life. Whats funny is there only reason I can stand now without them is because I was made to teach myself to do so by never getting their help. In a way they helped my by never giving me help.

I realized that sure a problem can be a terrible thing… but… the biggest product of a problem is a solution. They cannot exist without each-other. For so much time I was hurt and felt alone because I didn’t have particular things. Out of this problem now I can stand alone without them. I can face the wind and be strong. To know that I don’t need these things feels… well… there are no words the describe it but the song I linked might get you close.

Life if cool. If you put pressure on a object it breaks… but not life. When you put pressure on life it pushes back. It learn, grows and struggles until the pressure fails and is pushed back. A plant will grow faster in the dark.

The biggest thing I have learned from this is how to deal with pain. It doesn’t matter if it psychical, emotional or mental pain. I have these tools to take with me forever. I became comfortable in my pain and just kept building things. What ever I could until it just didn’t hurt me anymore,

It took me years to do this and at times I have to say I only kept going because I had to, because if I stooped I would have nothing. Just for the people who think there problem might be impossible it’s not. It’s only impossible for the you that exist in the present right now. There is you a you in the future that can fix these problems but you have to create that person. You need to build the skills, mentality and resources that future you will use. 

The best advice I have ever got ia that you have to be there for yourself. You have to coach yourself, help and teach yourself because none eals is going to do it for you. 



When me and my friends used to talk about suicide as kids we would say, in mocking tones, it was weakness, stupidity or attention seeking. Ironically in our innocence was our stupidity.

I still see adults act like they are too strong to do something so weak when the subject comes up. These so called experienced humans must think so shallow.

I don’t want to quote Einstein here but hopefully you can see where I’m going with this. Yes you may be strong, extremely strong but you can only be strong in comparison to something. There is no such thing as a unstoppable force or a immovable object.

Consider your house or the wall of your house. The wall truly is strong. You could punch it all day and not make a dent. The wall is holding up the roof and the roof is keeping you nice and safe when its cold. But… that wall is nothing compared to the bulldozer. The bulldozer in turn is nothing to the crusher at the recycling center and the car crusher…. is nothing to a kid with a screwdriver.

Something in life could happen at any time to any of us. Life has shown me that things I thought wouldn’t hurt me at all would sting the most when they did happen.

People say there is help out there if you look for it. Yet when I watch the new I will soon be greeted by the name of another person who though that help wasn’t enough. Would you bet your life on it? hummm… What a world this is where people feel trying to talk about it isn’t worth their life.

I lost a little hope in humanity thinking about this today until I had to go to the hospital for a blood test. My faith was restored by the image angels in white cotes. I really did want to imagine halos over their heads. Doctors and nurses at war everyday for people they don’t even know. There truly are easier jobs for the money.

Whats cool about the whole relativity thing is your problem is only bad in comparison to another problem. Not having a place to live is your biggest problem until you don’t have anything to eat. I don’t whether thinking about that makes me feel better or worse?

Edit: Reading this back I wasn’t sure of my own point. Don’t mock the suicidal as weak and realize their death is mocking our humanity.

Please don’t be one of those people that will read this, agree and then go and step on someone just to gain something. I cant stand when I people I know are only in life for themselves share post on Facebook about saving the “Insert popular charity”. The sociopaths try to hide and although we didn’t study the same subjects at school we can still understand you.




Some people seem to think that if it’s made on a computer it’s not art. I have noticed most art mediums seem to have this problem. The world is not flat my friend.

I can’t speak for every art form because I don’t know much about them. I can though speak for music. 

I want to start with the whole “Real instruments are better than electronics sounds.”. Asking a musician to only use real instruments is like asking a painter to paint with only the color black . Once I was about 14 and discoverer electronic music going back to acoustic music was boring. Drums, Guitar and Piano… Drums, Guitar and Piano… Drums, Guitar and Piano… Drums, Guitar and Piano… it gets boring fast. I know there are other instruments but 70% of acoustic music is made of of Drums, Guitar and Piano….

I love when I hear a new electronic track and hear a new sound I have never heard before… ever! Some electronic sounds are so beautiful. Some I would arguare more beautiful than any real instrument but that’s more of a opinion and I cant relay present it as fact.

In life we try not to use old technology because new technology is better. You most likely wouldn’t use a mobile phone from a few year ago so why would use use instruments like the guitar that was invented in 1779? 

It used to be that computers couldn’t generate high quality sounds but those days are long, long gone. Most computers now are at the very edge of what our human minds can perceive. 10 or 20 years ago people would say that a computer couldn’t accurately recreate a piano. Today in 2014 with multisample VSTis I could spend £50 on a pack and have 15 or so different top of the line gran-pianos at my finger tips. Even my trained ere would have trouble telling them apart from the real deal.

Recording Studios are closing down because more and moe people are making music at home. All you need today to make a professional track, other than talent, is a laptop and the right software. Sure its sad that studios are closing down but it’s also amazing that making professional music is so much more accessible. 

If creating music was a drug then producing electronic music would be like Heroin and thats how it felt the first time I used professional software. If it was possible I could do it. I was every instrument. Any sounds I wanted I could have at the touch of a button and I didn’t just have control over the music but how the individual instruments sounded. The endless possible ways I could edit sounds amazed me. I never when back to playing in a band. I felt godlike.

In a car race, divers will use the latest technology in their cars. You wont see someone pull up to the startline with a car from 100 years ago. In the race to make the best music you can the computer is unmatched. If its possible you can do it on a computer. 

Taking all this into account why would you not use a laptop to play live? It makes complete sense as its by far the best tool to make music with. Why would I fill my hands with a guitar when with the right controller I can be anything. What instrument do I play?.. All of them! Yes that’s right the drums in my track would be impossible for a real drummer to play.

You might argue that you don’t play a computer but who is to say a mouse isn’t a instrument? The reality of it is that compared to the digital controllers of today a guitar is the tool of a caveman. A digital controller can do everything a guitar can and a million things it cant’.

They used to say that vinyl was king and now CDJs are the industry standard. Stop fearing change because you are stopping progress. Sure its fun to play a guitar but trust me its much more fun to play one of these..